Expert Advice -Lisa Becker

Q: What are the differences in results that one will get from dating websites that offer instant gratification (i.e. swiping left and right) v.s. those that provide a more in depth look at the persons personality?

I do believe there needs to be some physical attraction for a relationship to be successful. But a relationship cannot survive on that alone. I’m not a fan of the swipe left/swipe right dating apps because they cause people to make too quick of judgments. Without having more detailed information about someone’s life, ambitions, likes and attitudes, you might miss someone great that becomes more physically attractive to you once you gotten to know them.

That’s why I highly recommend taking great care in writing your online dating profile. Let your personality shine through and be specific about the things that make you special including hobbies and interests. This is your chance to make a positive first impression while being in complete control of the messages you are delivering. The main character in my novel, Click: An Online Love Story, writes in her profile: “I cry at Hallmark commercials, love the band Spider Fire, enjoy baking and cooking (and make the world’s greatest chocolate chip cookies – no exaggeration here!), sing (sometimes off key) with the radio while driving, own more pairs of black shoes than should be legal, and my fear of flying is rivaled only by my love for chocolate.” This tells someone who she really is including her sense of humor, interests and confidence level. So be creative!

Q: How can curvy men and women overcome challenges that online dating poses?

My grandmother used to say, for every chair there’s a tush. She didn’t say what size tush or chair! If you are happy and comfortable with the way you look, own it. Be confident and let that show through. When you are happy and self assured, you are more likely to be attractive to someone else. If you aren’t happy with your appearance, chances are your insecurities are going to be noticeable. If that’s the case, take some time to focus on you and improving yourself so you feel good about what’s reflected in the mirror.

Q: What’s your Number 1 Tip for Curvy Singles in regards to online dating?

Don’t be judgmental of others. I’m reminded of a Seinfeld TV show episode where George balks at dating a woman who is bald, not finding it ironic that he himself is bald. If you fear online dating for the risk of being judged by your appearance, be sure to not judge others for theirs. This rule doesn’t just apply to curvy people but to everyone who is out there looking for love, whether online or through traditional channels.

Q: What’s your Number 1 mistake people make when online dating?

When writing your online profile, be honest. Don’t say you are an exercise junkie if you are really a couch potato. Don’t post a photo from 10 years earlier. Don’t downplay your intelligence or success because you think men will be intimidated by the real you. While you might garner a lot of interest early on, the truth will eventually come out. Nothing stunts a budding relationship more than deception and lies.
Q: What’s your best advice on what to talk about or ask a prospective match when you are messaging them for the first time online?
Do your best to make a personal connection based on something you’ve read in their profile. A generic response about how you seem to have a lot in common, or that he/she seems like a great person, does not show much depth. Instead, explain WHAT you have in common or what in their profile seemed to click for you.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s