Expert Advice -Richard Phu

Q: What are the differences in results that one will get from dating websites that offer instant gratification (i.e. swiping left and right) v.s. those that provide a more in depth look at the persons personality.

The differences are more on how much more effort you’re willing to go through to sift through to your own right match. With the instant gratification sites you are just going to judge on looks and be judged on looks.

At the same time there is a drive to go for the ‘perfect’ photos and can lead to instant guilty-fication where you’ll feel worse about yourself as you can only really express your personality through a small number of photos.

Q: How can curvy men and women overcome challenges that online dating poses?

It’s important to have a clear idea of what you’re really there for. Be clear with yourself and your matches if all you want is short term date or something serious.

Also take some time out to think about the type of person you really want. Then just out of your shoes and hop into that ideal date’s perspective. Ask yourself “What would they want out of a partner?”

Then consider if you are meeting your idea date’s criteria… if not then make a decision as to what you’re going to do about.

Q: What’s your Number 1 Tip for Curvy Singles in regards to online dating?

To keep persisting because with online dating the pool is bigger, yet harder to fish in because of the increased competition. So persist, even if it looks like things are not working out.

Online dating is much more like a numbers game because you may need to go through 100 profiles to get 10 matches. Of which 6 may chat with you leading to potentially 2 coffee dates from it. So keep persisting and keep focused on what your values are for you and what you’re looking for in a partner.

Q: What’s your Number 1 mistake people make when online dating?

Chatting for too long on the app and not transitioning sooner to in-person meeting, which can lead to wasting of your time hoping something can happen or just missing out on other potential matches because you think this one match may be the one.

Q: What’s your best advice on what to talk about or ask a prospective match when you are messaging them for the first time online?

I love the simple approach of saying Hi first. Then usually if it is close to a weekend or some special holiday ask about what their plans are. This usually helps you get a great idea into the type of person they are.

Then flow on from there into something about their profile that sparked an interest for you.
The aim is simply not to force the match, but to see if you’re a right fit. Usually don’t try to spend weeks messaging, aim for a few days or even an hour of solid chatting. If they sound fun then go and ask for a coffee.

Richard -Richard Phu

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