Expert Advice -Dallisa Hocking

Q: What are the differences in results that one will get from dating websites that offer instant gratification (i.e. swiping left and right) v.s. those that provide a more in depth look at the persons personality.

Online dating is what you make of it. If you are investing time and energy into finding the right person, you’ll have a better chance at finding a relationship. The most successful online daters take the time to select thoughtful profile photos and write a captivating bio.

Q: How can curvy men and women overcome challenges that online dating poses?

Have an open mind, and throw your checklist away. You should have 2-3 non negotiables, and the rest of your list should be trashed. Don’t judge a book by its cover, because humor and chemistry make someone more attractive in person.

Q: What’s your Number 1 Tip for Curvy Singles in regards to online dating?

Get out there and take a chance. You won’t find a great match unless you say “yes” to dates. Remember to practice safe dating. Only meet your date at a public location, and always tell a close friend where you are going.

Q: What’s your Number 1 mistake people make when online dating?

They place too much of an emphasis on appearances. Read the profile and begin exchanging messages to determine if you could be a good potential match!

Q: What’s your best advice on what to talk about or ask a prospective match when you are messaging them for the first time online?

Neutral topics such as sports, travel and favorite restaurants are great starting points. Remember to always ask a few questions with your message, giving the recipient something to answer in their response.

Dallisa

-DALLISA HOCKING

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Expert Advice -Lisa Becker

Q: What are the differences in results that one will get from dating websites that offer instant gratification (i.e. swiping left and right) v.s. those that provide a more in depth look at the persons personality?

I do believe there needs to be some physical attraction for a relationship to be successful. But a relationship cannot survive on that alone. I’m not a fan of the swipe left/swipe right dating apps because they cause people to make too quick of judgments. Without having more detailed information about someone’s life, ambitions, likes and attitudes, you might miss someone great that becomes more physically attractive to you once you gotten to know them.

That’s why I highly recommend taking great care in writing your online dating profile. Let your personality shine through and be specific about the things that make you special including hobbies and interests. This is your chance to make a positive first impression while being in complete control of the messages you are delivering. The main character in my novel, Click: An Online Love Story, writes in her profile: “I cry at Hallmark commercials, love the band Spider Fire, enjoy baking and cooking (and make the world’s greatest chocolate chip cookies – no exaggeration here!), sing (sometimes off key) with the radio while driving, own more pairs of black shoes than should be legal, and my fear of flying is rivaled only by my love for chocolate.” This tells someone who she really is including her sense of humor, interests and confidence level. So be creative!

Q: How can curvy men and women overcome challenges that online dating poses?

My grandmother used to say, for every chair there’s a tush. She didn’t say what size tush or chair! If you are happy and comfortable with the way you look, own it. Be confident and let that show through. When you are happy and self assured, you are more likely to be attractive to someone else. If you aren’t happy with your appearance, chances are your insecurities are going to be noticeable. If that’s the case, take some time to focus on you and improving yourself so you feel good about what’s reflected in the mirror.

Q: What’s your Number 1 Tip for Curvy Singles in regards to online dating?

Don’t be judgmental of others. I’m reminded of a Seinfeld TV show episode where George balks at dating a woman who is bald, not finding it ironic that he himself is bald. If you fear online dating for the risk of being judged by your appearance, be sure to not judge others for theirs. This rule doesn’t just apply to curvy people but to everyone who is out there looking for love, whether online or through traditional channels.

Q: What’s your Number 1 mistake people make when online dating?

When writing your online profile, be honest. Don’t say you are an exercise junkie if you are really a couch potato. Don’t post a photo from 10 years earlier. Don’t downplay your intelligence or success because you think men will be intimidated by the real you. While you might garner a lot of interest early on, the truth will eventually come out. Nothing stunts a budding relationship more than deception and lies.
Q: What’s your best advice on what to talk about or ask a prospective match when you are messaging them for the first time online?
Do your best to make a personal connection based on something you’ve read in their profile. A generic response about how you seem to have a lot in common, or that he/she seems like a great person, does not show much depth. Instead, explain WHAT you have in common or what in their profile seemed to click for you.
Lisa

-LISA BECKER

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Expert Advice -Richard Phu

Q: What are the differences in results that one will get from dating websites that offer instant gratification (i.e. swiping left and right) v.s. those that provide a more in depth look at the persons personality.

The differences are more on how much more effort you’re willing to go through to sift through to your own right match. With the instant gratification sites you are just going to judge on looks and be judged on looks.

At the same time there is a drive to go for the ‘perfect’ photos and can lead to instant guilty-fication where you’ll feel worse about yourself as you can only really express your personality through a small number of photos.

Q: How can curvy men and women overcome challenges that online dating poses?

It’s important to have a clear idea of what you’re really there for. Be clear with yourself and your matches if all you want is short term date or something serious.

Also take some time out to think about the type of person you really want. Then just out of your shoes and hop into that ideal date’s perspective. Ask yourself “What would they want out of a partner?”

Then consider if you are meeting your idea date’s criteria… if not then make a decision as to what you’re going to do about.

Q: What’s your Number 1 Tip for Curvy Singles in regards to online dating?

To keep persisting because with online dating the pool is bigger, yet harder to fish in because of the increased competition. So persist, even if it looks like things are not working out.

Online dating is much more like a numbers game because you may need to go through 100 profiles to get 10 matches. Of which 6 may chat with you leading to potentially 2 coffee dates from it. So keep persisting and keep focused on what your values are for you and what you’re looking for in a partner.

Q: What’s your Number 1 mistake people make when online dating?

Chatting for too long on the app and not transitioning sooner to in-person meeting, which can lead to wasting of your time hoping something can happen or just missing out on other potential matches because you think this one match may be the one.

Q: What’s your best advice on what to talk about or ask a prospective match when you are messaging them for the first time online?

I love the simple approach of saying Hi first. Then usually if it is close to a weekend or some special holiday ask about what their plans are. This usually helps you get a great idea into the type of person they are.

Then flow on from there into something about their profile that sparked an interest for you.
The aim is simply not to force the match, but to see if you’re a right fit. Usually don’t try to spend weeks messaging, aim for a few days or even an hour of solid chatting. If they sound fun then go and ask for a coffee.

Richard -Richard Phu

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Expert Advice -Laura Ryan

Q: What are the differences in results that one will get from dating websites that offer instant gratification (i.e. swiping left and right) v.s. those that provide a more in depth look at the persons personality.

The instant gratification websites create matches that are solely based on physical appearance and we miss out on other important details that determine attraction. We lose the opportunity to see the wholeness of the other person, understand their point of view, and make an informed decision about who they really are.

Q: How can curvy men and women overcome challenges that online dating poses?

Studies have shown that 80% of men are contacting 20% of women on dating websites. Unfortunately, this means that most women get left out of dating searches. Staying positive and not taking things personally will go a long way to ensure dating success.

Q: What’s your Number 1 Tip for Curvy Singles in regards to online dating?

Make sure that your pictures feature your best attributes. Take photos from flattering angles to help you put your best foot forward. Consider getting a professional photographer to take your profile photos so that you can have the best lighting and create an online presence that really wows people. Make sure that you include one or two full body photos to let people know what you will look like when you meet them in person.

Q: What’s your Number 1 mistake people make when online dating?

I think that rushing to judgment is the biggest mistake people make with online dating. It’s human nature to be judgmental, but when we make snap decisions about other people, we might be missing out on a really good match for us.

Q: What’s your best advice on what to talk about or ask a prospective match when you are messaging them for the first time online?

Read through the person’s profile and mention two or three details that you noticed in their profile and share your point of view on what was mentioned. If the person you are messaging says that they like the beach and you’ve just gotten back from The Bahamas, share your experience and find some common ground.

Avoid generic messages like “What are you up to?” or “You’re beautiful”, it makes people feel that you are not very invested in getting to know them personally and that you are sending the same canned messages to multiple people.

Laura

-LAURA RYAN

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